Thursday, October 25, 2012
Mental Illness
Mental illness affects millons of people worldwide. In some cultures people who diaplay mental illness are assumed to have demons inside or to be possessed. From a very personal perspective, I think mental illness is one of the most debilitating diseases a person can live with. A person with mental illness is not sick in the textbook version of illness. It is something that never goes away. It is something that haunts them everyday of their lives. My mother was diagnosed as bipolar when I was just 6 years old. For the majority of her childhood she was the "bad" child and was assumed to have been acting out all the time. Her parents were high society and having a child with a mental illness was taboo so she went undiagnosed until her late 20's. My childhood was significantly altered because of her illness. She couldn't hold down a job for long because of the debilitating depressve episodes. There were days that it was literally impossible for her to get off of the couch other than to go to the bathroom. I learned very early on how to take care of myself and my brother. I could cook dinner for my family by age 9, and I always got myself up and ready for school in the mornings. When I was in high school I spent my Friday nights taking care of my mother instead of going to pep rallies and football games. Her depression angered me most of the time. I felt like I was being robbed of all the "normal" things that kids should be able to do. My brother couldn't handle the constant rollercoaster and moved in with my father when I was 15. I just couldn't leave her all alone. The summer before my senior year in high school, I became pregnant with my son. That was the same summer that my mother, in a drug induced high, pulled out a 9mm and shot herself while we were having a conversation. It came out of nowhere. For the longest time I was angry with her for doing something like that in front of her own child. It took me a reaaly long time to realize that she wasn't doing it TO me but to herselef to escape from the daily pain she suffered through all of her life. Looking back I realize that my mom taught me a lot. I know that I will never do to my child what she did to me. I will never rely on drugs to make me feel better. I will cherish each day that God gives me and I will cherish my child. I will be thankful for the determination she taught me. And more than anything else I am thankful that she taught me to be a strong, independent, self-sufficient woman. I am 35 years old and am completing my degree (a feat many thought would never happen!). I will be successful and I am a great mom. She wasn't the greatest mom but she did the best she could with the cards that she was dealt. I cannot imagine what it must be like to wake up everyday and be angry that I had to do it all over again. That is what she had to deal with and I thank God everyday that I do not have to suffer the way she suffered. I realize now that the petty things I suffered as a kid paled in comparison to what she dealt with. I hope she has found the peace she speent her life searching for.
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Rachel,
ReplyDeleteWow! Thank you so much for sharing your story. I think telling our personal stories is one of the best ways to raise awareness of mental health issues. Prior to becoming a Health Studies major, I had never imagined having a career in mental health, but it has actually become one of my passions! It breaks my heart to think about those that have to suffer needlessly from illnesses surrounded with so much stigma and shame. As stated by Alexander, La Rosa, Bader, Garfield, and Alexander (2010), “mental health is at least as important as physical health for a person to live a happy, meaningful life” (p. 334). I find your resiliency encouraging! I hope that we can help change perceptions of mental illness in our future careers.
References
Alexander, L. L., La Rosa, J. H., Bader, H., Garfield, S., & Alexander, W. J. (2010). New Dimensions in Women’s Health (5th ed.). Boston: Jones & Bartlett.
Wow reading your blog really touched me, I'm sorry that you had to experience what you did but I'm sure it made you a better and stronger person. I belive that people who suffer from mental illness feel like they are crazy and that everyone is judging them so they do not want to go out and talk to someone and get help. Your grandparents like many families do not want to face the reality that their child has a problem and get the treatment that they need to get better and maintain a somewhat normal life. Or they are just ashamed like you said your family coming from a high society did not want any one to know that they had a mentally ill child or a "bad" child as you put it. I think that if we addressed the problem head on and got the much needed treatment, then living with a mental illness could be tolerated. No one takes the time to think that these mentally ill people are struggling with themselves and are in pain every single day, I think that the world needs to be more considerate of mental ill people and what they are going through instead of judging them and calling them "crazy".
ReplyDeleteRachel,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing such a candid and insightful post. The fact that you could be so empathetic towards your mother’s mental illness speaks positively about your character and demonstrates the concerns you had for her pain. It seems that family members with long-term mental illness suffer in ways that are not as obvious as those who have to deal with the effects of physical illness. As a kid, my dad was diagnosed with a life-threatening kidney disease that would eventually take his life. I can remember feeling like I was different from other kids because I had a dad who was on dialysis and walked with a limp due to a hip replacement. There were many days I can recall sitting in school wondering if I would be called to the office to be given the news that my dad was gone. Your post helped me realize that although physical and mental illness do not share the same symptoms, they can both deeply affect the sick person’s family members. Fortunately, my dad lived to be 43 years old, which was thirteen years longer than the life expectancy estimated by the most optimistic doctors. It is encouraging to see that you were able to learn many valuable lessons through your experience and have used that knowledge to make good choices. Congratulations on your decision to make your educational goals a reality!
Kind Regards,
Crystal Dean
Thank you for sharing your story with us. Wow, what an awful experience you had with your mother’s mental illness! Your mother needed professional help to have a better quality of life once the right treatment was found. She should have been taking medications, which could have helped her symptoms. People suffering from a mental illness have difficulties making daily living choices and decisions. These people are viewed and treated in different ways, which causes them to be suffering and self-stigma. This even causes problems in their employment because of peoples false beliefs about mental illness.
ReplyDeleteWow, what an amazing story. Thank you for being so open and vulnerable to share such a testimony. My mom suffered from depression when I was young also and I can see the similarities in our childhood. I am so thankful that you are diverting from your past and leading such a fruitful future! Depression is a very hard thing to overcome and it is a illness that no one should have to endure. I am always so inspired by stories like yours of being able to overcome your past. I know many people who let their past define their future and it so awesome to see the people who do not let their past rule their lives. Thank you for you story.
ReplyDeleteI am almost speechless after reading your story. Nevertheless I am glad to know you have overcome all the obstacles you experienced with your mom. Your story is a great example on how mental illness does not only affect one person but it also affects the people around them. It must be really tough to have to deal and/or care for some one that needs help. In your case, you suffered by seeing your mom suffer with mood swings and you also had to take care of your brother. That big of a responsibility should be given to a child. Children should have the ability to enjoy their childhood to the fullest.
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